The Beards are embarking on their End of the World tour. Photo: Supplied
"Grow a beard or die.''
This is the serious message coming from four talented Australian musicians who are usually only serious about one thing - beards.
In recent months the Beards have made it their personal mission to spread word of the imminent end of the world for people without beards.
Lead guitarist Facey McStubblington is keen to warn the non-bearded in time so they might grow a beard and save themselves from destruction.
The four-piece band discovered the damming prophecy only recently. From what the musicians can understand, the world is set to end on December 21 but only for people without beards.
''It's very vague. We found some old transcripts and it said some things about the end of the world happening,'' McStubblington says.
''We got the gist of it and the gist of it was the end of the world was coming and people with beards would survive.
''It could just be like a Christian-like Passover where everyone could spontaneously combust. I'd like to think there will be meteors.''
The Beards took it upon themselves to share their dire warning with the world through music. They hit the road in September and have been touring the country ever since.
''With a great beard comes a great responsibility. It's up to us to fly the flag and be honorable,'' McStubblington says.
The Beards are no strangers to extensive touring. Since the band formed in 2005 they have performed songs from their first two albums around the country.
McStubblington says the guys were initially brought together by their love of beards.
''It wasn't like we sort of spoke about it - we were sort of drawn together,'' he says.
''We just came together in a rehearsal room and we didn't know each other and we just nodded and knew we were in the right place.''
McStubblington admits the band's songs are a not-so-subtle way of trying to spread their beard-related propaganda.
''We knew that we had this common goal of trying to beard-ify the world and we figured the best way to get our message out there is through music,'' he says. ''We really only chose music for a vehicle of the bearded propaganda … it just means we can reach more people and enlighten them.''
The 2012 End of the World (For Beardless People) Tour will stop in Canberra before continuing on to Sydney, Melbourne, Perth and Adelaide.
McStubblington is keen to return to the nation's capital because of the number of bearded men and women who call Canberra home.
''I don't just say this to anyone who asks me but Canberra is very good; Canberra is exceptional,'' he says.
The extensive tour is just the latest achievement for the Adelaide band; they released their third album, Having a Beard Is the New Not Having a Beard, this year and have just been nominated for their first ARIA for best comedy release.
McStubblington says the guys are very excited about the nomination and the fact that the awards will be held before the apocalypse. They aren't too worried about their competition in the category, which includes Arj Barker, Buddy Goode and Sammy J.
''There's four beardless people so we're not too worried about them,'' McStubblington says.
And if for some reason the Beards were to be overlooked for the award, McStubblington was prepared to wait until the apocalypse was over and then just take the award from the deceased, beardless winner.
The Beards
WITH: The Snowdroppers and Kim Churchill
WHERE: ANU Bar
WHEN: November 1
TICKETS: ticketek.com.au
■ Joni Scanlon is a staff writer and rock'n'roll fan, whose musical talent peaked in primary school playing the recorder
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