BLAKE Ferguson was helping Todd Carney move on Friday when he found out he had been sacked.
He put down his phone and his body went numb. Ferguson knew the Raiders were going to axe him. They had no choice. The NSW winger had been AWOL for almost three weeks, and had emailed the club just six days before executing a release clause in his contract.
Still, the news hit him hard, and his friends sent him to bed.
Most people think Ferguson does not care. Spotted in pubs and clubs since abandoning Canberra, he looks like he has been having great time.
Truth is Ferguson is far from happy and his issues are complex.
On his way to a retreat in South East Asia, Ferguson on Saturday night broke his silence to apologise to Raiders fans and outline the reasons that forced him out of the club.
“I do care what people think,’’ Ferguson said.
“And it has been difficult not being able to explain myself but I could not speak until the Raiders made their decision. But now they have dealt with it I would just like to say sorry to the Raiders fans and the Raiders club.
"I know that they have put a lot of effort into me over the last three and a half years and I am sorry. I am sorry for leaving and doing it on bad terms. I had just had some things going on in my life that meant I couldn’t be there. I don’t want to be an ungrateful person.’’
Ferguson has pinpointed March 14 as the beginning of his Canberra end. The 23-year-old said the club’s decision to keep him but sack his good friend Josh Dugan made him feel guilty and put him on the outer with his teammates.
“It got to a point where I wasn’t happy at the club,’’ Ferguson said.
“I felt like as outcast because of what happened to Dugan. I was also responsible for what happened. Sandor Earl is also one of my best mates too and the stuff with him started to come out. It just all escalated and I was treading on egg shells every time I went back to training.’’
Ferguson lived in a house with three Raiders teammates and found himself spending most of his time alone in his room.
He took off to Sydney whenever he could to spend time with his long-time friends from the Sutherland Shire.
It was on one of those trips that he was charged with a count of indecent assault following a night at a Cronulla nightspot.
“I can’t talk about that,’’ Ferguson said.
“But it is fair to say that is another thing I have been dealing with.’’
Ferguson’s mental state deteriorated as his father’s release from prison neared. Ferguson’s father has been in-and-out of prison since he was 10 with DOCS his legal guardian. He will be under the state's care until he is 25.
“My dad just got out of jail and I had to go and help him,’’ Ferguson said.
“That is one of the reasons why I didn’t return to Canberra but I don’t want to use it as an excuse.’’
Ferguson has also had the burden and pressure of financially supporting his four younger siblings, who are also under the care of DOCS. He gives up to $100,000 to his family.
“They live in the country so it is hard,’’ Ferguson said.
“I miss them and think of them all the time. It is another reason why I have to play football.’’
The final straw for Ferguson was the sacking of his Canberra ally David Furner. The outside back knew he could never go back. Football is not Ferguson’s priority right now.
“I am going away for a bit and then I am going to come back and do what I need to,’’ Ferguson said.
“I will go to counselling and make things right before I think about football. I know I will have to earn my spot back in the NRL and when I address some things I will do everything I can to get back there.
"I need to sort my stuff out and be able to go back with a clear head. I know once I am back, I will enjoy it and be my best because at the end of the day it is what I love. I want to work my butt off and earn back some respect.’’
Ferguson has been linked to many clubs but the manager the club-less star has put in charge of rebuilding his life claims has cancelled all negotiations.
“What has happened in the past is in the past,’’ said Sam Ayoub.
“And rugby league is secondary to him right now. He needs to get his head right before we even think about football.
"I wont be talking to clubs at all. He may need a break of between three to six months. His football comes naturally but he needs to be ready as a person and I know in a few years time we will see the best of him on and off the field.’’
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