Ladies' favourite ... O'Connor will start at fullback for the Rebels on Friday night. Source: News Limited
The Super Rugby season kicks off this weekend and we've enlisted all-round good guy Matt Cleary to preview the round one action in his unique turn-of-phrase.
Melbourne Rebels v Western Force, AAMI Park, 7.30pm Friday (EDT) FS2HD
And so to game one of Super Rugby’s newest New Dawn in which the two newer chums of the Australian Super Rugby conference meet at AAMI Stadium.
Who’ll be Rhonda and who’ll be Ka-Tut? We may never know. But there should be plenty of interest in this Friday night fixture because there’s a lot to like, and there’s little else on.
Like? Melbourne can run, baby. Run free like the buffalo. With a pair of fast-twitching superstars, Higginbotham of The North, and a mandate to express themselves, this plucky band of Rebels will burn off and beat good teams in 2013.
And as their 47-45 trial loss to the Hurricanes showed, their attack is that of devil-dogs, their defence like Saddam Hussein’s army reserve. They’re an entertaining unit.
"We had a big year last year and played some expansive and exciting rugby," Rebels captain Gareth Delve, of Wales, said.
"We’ll continue to back ourselves and try to run through them, be it up the middle or out wide. In our wins over the Crusaders and Bulls we backed ourselves."
Who should you back? You’ll get $2.95 for the Force but you’d sooner take Washington Generals giving up a start.
Last year the Force lost a coach, a world-class breakaway and 13 of 16 games.
They’ll point to positives / clutch at straws and tell you seven of their losses were by eight points or less - which might be, sort of, encouraging. But David Pocock is in Canberra. And that’s all she wrote.
Still, they remain strongest in the backrow. Wallabies Richard Brown, Matt Hodgson (captain) and Ben McCalman won’t be beating Richie McCaw to the breakdown but are quite difficult to shift when they arrive.
Expect plenty of pick-and-drive rugger as these three – and Pocock’s replacement Chris "Even I haven’t heard of me" Alcock - cart it up in the middle channels.
Elsewhere, the Force are extremely beatable. Their tight-five are tough and tattooed, with a scary, bouncer look about them. But they are without pedigree, sporting only the lightest dusting of Wallabies gold. You probably haven’t heard of Phoenix Battye. Not exactly David Beckham, is he?
In the backs, scrumhalf Brett Sheehan turns 34 in September. Sias Eberhorn is a Junior Springbok from Bloemfontein whom the Force field at five-eighth.
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With a buckling scrum and scrappy lineout pill, 23-year-old Ebersohn will be under so many hammers of Thor.
The Force’s best back is Nick Cummins, a wooly-haired "Honey Badger" with a weird streak and an all-action, non-passing brand of rugby.
And that’s about it.
Melbourne, meanwhile, will trot out Kurtley Beale at No.10. And Kurtley Beale is a ripper. It’s a while ago, but check out his footy playing for Joeys at school. Check out his nearly-try against Wales. Check out this humorous falcon. There’s the odd mistake in him. But Beale is a beauty.
Outside Beale will be freshly-shaven speed-fiend and boy-band-cute James O’Connor. Cute? They don’t call him Justin Beiber because he looks like Stan Pilecki. O’Connor is cuter than a bunny rabbit holding a bunny rabbit.
But enough of your hate, haters. O’Connor would have 5000 more girlfriends than you, shave his head for charity and is a good, friendly bloke.
And he has game, baby. He can scoot, sluicing through holes and haring about, bouncing off big yins with a rock-and-roll style suited to a larger jungle-rumbler.
And JOC will LOL all the way home when Melbourne dominate this fixture. They’re at home. Their trial form’s been good. And they have the better team. Rebels by 22.
Brumbies v Queensland Reds, Canberra Stadium, 7.30pm (EDT) Saturday FS2HD
Top clash. The two best Australian sides from last season rumbling in the … well, you wouldn’t call Canberra a jungle, at least not one with tigers and sloths and macaws.
But it’s usually a tough assignment, Canberra. The local fans are as partisan as Partisans from the olden days, like in the war, and it’s a "club" with Brumby DNA. It’s a heady mix.
But Queensland are very good, too. They made the finals last season (at the Brumbies’ expense) even without follow-him-out-the-trenches captain, James Horwill. The big yin’s just missed getting back for this game. And while they’ll also miss Will Genia (back in round four) and Scott Higginbotham (Rebels), the Reds have claims in this fixture and beyond.
Radike Samo may never stop playing. Digby Ioane is the most powerful runner in the Australian game.
Mike Harris is under-rated, a no-mistakes back with 90 per cent goal-kicking. Rob Simmons is a fine lock. The front row is an all-Wallabies engine room. In fact of the entire First XV, only No.8 Jake Schatz doesn’t have a Test cap.
Quade Cooper? Two seasons ago he was the best player in the comp; a one-man excitement machine; an expression session, gadding about like a drunk on a pogo stick. He was brilliant to watch. Then he had his, whatever, issues with various authority figures, and began a period of doe-eyed utterances in the news. Gee it was boring.
But it sounds like he’s had it out with Dingo Deans and the ARU. And that Ewen McKenzie is cool with him potentially having his face bashed in boxing. So let’s hope he’s happy and ready to rip-snort against the Brums. Because a rip-snorting Quade Cooper is the funkiest hep-cat since Campo.
The Brums? All last season they over-achieved. And they continued to over-achieve, right up until the last game when they under-achieved. Rissoled from the finals by the previously easy-beat Blues. It was a really, really, really bad loss. And will have cut them deep.
But they’ll take plenty from the year. Coach Jake White seems a canny, no-nonsense character for whom "player power" (at least how it was understood by several ex-Brumbies who wanted, effectively, to be in charge) is not an issue.
Captain Ben Mowen has shades of Horwill about him while Dan Palmer, Stephen Moore and Ben Alexander form an all-Wallabies front row. It’s a tough enough pack.
In the backs five-eighth Christian Lealiifano would’ve been a Wallabies fly half but for injury. Jesse "The Greyhound" Mogg – spotted by White playing local club rugby – was a revelation in 2012 playing all 16 games and scoring a brilliant chip-and-chase try against the Sharks.
And for a feel-good story look no further than prodigal son Clyde Rathbone. Rathbone’s best rugby is likely behind him but his best was very good. He’s fit, back from the brink, and hungry like so many wolves. Good luck to him.
Oh yes - and they’ve recruited David Pocock. He goes alright says White: "To get a player and a man like David to say he wants to play for the Brumbies to improve his game, it speaks volumes for the organization. It’s a massive boost."
Damned straight. Pocock would push Richie McCaw for the World XV seven. He’s a cracking rugby player.
Who’s going to win? Christ, I dunno. Have you read nothing? Toss a coin, buddy-roo. Or go with The Value.
This time of the year bookmakers put up a price that’s best-estimate. Then they follow the money, winding in and out based on who’s hot for who. And you’d suggest if there is money in head-to-head betting it’ll come for Reds ($2.20) rather than Brumbies ($1.67).
Canberra Stadium is an advantage. But even without Horwill this could be $1.90 the field. Brumbies by 3.
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